Fear her…

I have seen her sadness last for ever

you would find when you look in her eyes

No one would ever know the meltdowns she had

she has cried the worst of the cries

the silent one

the one when no ones awake

the one that hurts the throat

the one that has the largest scream

the one that wont let her dream

the one that has no tears

the one that numbs all fears

the one where you hold your breath

the one thats worse than death

she has been through the unthinkable

so fear her when she looks at the fire and smiles

she arrived here after walking a million miles

she is the storm…

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The sinking

The cosmic pain

Unhealed

It’s not visible to eyes,

but the feeling is deep down

digging a grave,

inside my heart

no one is at peace

melancholy has settled

like a sudden change in weather

like a pain that’s intangible

can’t tell where it hurts

but somewhere it does

so I bury myself – the crestfallen one

maundering without an ambition

which made me hollow

To be gentle with me

is the only thing I plead

Don’t open the wounds

that haven’t started to bleed

Trapped

It hurts gently like the cold rain

I wipe them,

 the tears rolling down

and yes, beyond recognition

lies my past

with mixed shades of pink and brown

 where I stood at departure holding my faith

waiting for the moment

that never came

and will never come

because the verdict was announced

and there was a bedlam

and the fragrance of pain

is all over the air

so I get up and rise still in pain

because I am strong

to remind everyone

that strong doesn’t mean no pain

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

 

Time doesn’t heel always

Time heals griefs and quarrels, for we change and are no longer the same persons. Neither the offender nor the offended are any more themselves.

– Blaise Pascal

It doesn’t hurt anymore, for that I must thank you,

Though forgetting promises has become part of you,

Some questions are still awaiting answers,

And here I am wondering if you can help with few.

Talking about the one above us, I heard he doesn’t exist anymore,

But the truth is that your glance is as good as worshipping at his door.

Oh short lived love but colorful love

Since the time you left, my lips haven’t stopped complaining

Ever since the ship of my heart has been dangling and sinking…

And now the tears have begun a revolt

My heart is now overflowing with tears, so cold.

Your absence is interrupting my life…

Ever heard of a broken heart that still wants to beat?

Because now the heartbeat is almost a need…

Pain has never been a one way transaction, so can you please stop hurting?

The day you will realize this, oh you will be back with your love spurting.

Just one question – why is this life becoming a haunt?

Awaiting the last breath has pretty much become a want

I am done calling out for you, now it’s your decision

Not sure what I am waiting for, but waiting has become a habit, without compulsion….

The Odd One

Oh the odd one

You are the special one

You are the bright one

You are the charming one

You are the strong one

Any when you feel you are odd one,

Remember there is someone for everyone

The moon has stars

The Sun has rays

Wounds have scars

Nights have days

And life must go on..

Clouds make thunders

Thunders make rains

Rains do wonders

When they wash your pain

And life must go on..

I sit idle wondering

If i truly was healed

My heart goes out for all

Whom time has sealed

And life must go on..

There is someone for all

No one is alone

No one is destined to fall

No one deserves to be thrown

And life must go on..

The Final Goodbye…

Him to her…

Like spring you bloomed and spread your fragrance around me
Gave meaning to everything meaningless that I wouldnt see

Truly loving every moment that crossed our way

Without looking into my eyes reading the words I didn’t say

My words won’t bring you back I know because I have to tried

My tears won’t do any magic either I know because I have cried…

Her to him..

Think of the happy memories we have made

That’s all you are left with or you can let them fade

I will be walking with you in the hot sun
While you are walking on the path we used to have fun

Let me be the breeze that whispers in your ears
Let my heart be yours for all the coming years

Remember, the final days are always a test
But remember me when I was at my best…

Shades of Emotions

Image from Seema Pillay

“The moment we cry in a film is not when things are sad but when they turn out to be more beautiful than we expected them to be.”
― Alain de Botton

 

 

You are the one who colored my world, as I made this turn and entered your life,

You are the one who gives life to my breath, while I try to make this life worthwhile.

 

 

When you’ll be far I’ll hear you close, when you’ll be close I’ll hear you within,

When I’ll be far you’ll feel me close, when you close your eyes, a dream will begin.

 

 

The sun will shine, the stars will blink, the moon will stare as you come in my arms,

The arms will drop to hug you tight, here comes my lucky charm…

 

 

When I taste your kiss and tell you I missed, the unendurable pain will come alive,

When you feel my pain, and miss me the same just close your eyes and find me arrive.

 

 

Lonely Nights with lovely thoughts, I am counting days with painful heart

My beautiful love, I hate to accept I thought that we could stay apart.

 

 

Some thoughts will come and days will pass while you will sleep and I’ll be awake

While you are asleep and dreaming of me, a promise to you is what I will make.

 

 

Hold me tight still let me go when time comes for me to leave your world,

When your world is made with all new hopes, I will come back in like a shining pearl.

 

 

Pain will go while love will stay, when you come back smiling in my life,

On your side you will see me bright, you will always find me by your side.

My lessons in my own words

A friend of mine sent an email to me about 28 lessons life taught her. Trust me, when i say i am not among those people who read long emails. I will just skim through it and get an idea. It was at least a 3 page long email and to my surprise I read it all and was able to relate to it as well. I want to express a couple of those lessons in my own words. The reason i am writing this article today is I want myself to remember always as how important some of those lessons truly are.

1. Hang on to real friends This one is easy. My personal experience is that It is easy to make friends but difficult to maintain. The one who puts a condition with the relation is never into it because friendship is not always give and take. It needs to be unconditional. Just like love, sometimes friendship can also be one sided. Friends should be like LIC – Zindagi ke saath bhi, zindagi ke baad bhi..thanks to the one who taught me this!

 

2. Ditch those people who you thought were friends, but weren’t. Well I am the kind who will not forgive someone who betrayed my trust but I will also remember that once I thought that was my real friend and my above rule may apply that it needs to be unconditional but that doesnt give anyone the right to betray my trust. You are the ultimate judge for yourself.

 

3. Let go of relationships when they end. Not all relationships will last forever. I will just silently agree with this one and we all know that we have to let everyone go one day. It’s just a matter of time.

 

4. Don’t bring up the past. Thinking about the past is not wrong, they do hold beautiful memories of life. I proudly accept that I do think of one beautiful memory of my past every day before I sleep, the past being anytime from my childhood till yesterday. The lesson here is not ‘to let go of past’ it’s just not to bring it up. It hurts when you compare your past with present. We need to realize we all are unique and every person we deal with in day to day life is unique.  

5. Treasure your family more than anything else in life. Well, i don’t think we need to argue about this one 🙂

 

6. Honour your mother. Everyone loves their mother, but there is a slight difference between loving and honoring. Think what all she sacrificed to get you this life and then you will honor her in your dreams too. Trust me this thought comes the most when she is not around and it hurts that I always end up finding the mistake on my side.

7. Treat your partner better than anyone else. They deserve that treatment for everything they have done for you. The bottom line is try to make every life you touch, a happy one, at least till you are around, the partner’s being the first.

8. Go to sleep prepared not to wake up. Because one day, you won’t. Say “Sorry” or “I love you” or “I miss you” and definitely “Goodnight” to whomever it means to be said every night before you go to sleep. Say it when you can. If you need a reminder listen to this beautiful song ‘kal ho na ho’ (and I still cry every time because I wish I’d stayed with Laika in that room where she came to give me company and never woke up after that)

9. Fight only the fights worth fighting. Before you pick up a fight with someone fight with your ego and see if it’s even worth a fight. What are you losing? Are you gaining ANYTHING? If there is only loss, then is the loss worth the pain you give and take? Fight only for a gain, not for a loss.

10. Sweep in front of your own door. Basically clean your self up, before you point fingers on ohers. Easily said than done, wont you agree?

11. Grow back stronger. After i met with an accident and got a one foot long blood clot on my leg, it took approximately an year for it to disappear and nearly 3 years for it to strengthen and get back to normal until which it pained everytime it would be slightly touched. After that, it became stronger than before. It’s useful to remember this when other things break too, like our hearts.

12. Healing takes time. In a world that moves at lightening speed and wants everything instantly, can we not wish wounds heal faster than normal? Is there no technology for that? I cannot agree more with myself. But sometimes its best when it takes time because time teaches and heals. If you were instantly healed you would never learn the lesson and end up making the same mistake.

13.  Accept full responsibility. Be accountable for what you have done, good or bad. You will never be able to influence your relationships with people untill you think It has to start with me.

 

14. Give back. While you are here, give it back. Be it love, respect, affection, a kiss, a hug or whatever it is. And you are mistaken if you think this has to be only a positive give back since we are talking about all philosophical stuff. No, Sometimes you have to do negative things also as part of the ‘give back’ policy. The lessons learnt are from real life and real life cannot be ideal. Sometimes you learn it the hard way.

 

15. Believe in God, or at least something close. Be religious or spiritual. Either will help in the long run when you are trying to find an answer for an unexplainable situation. It feels good to believe that there is someone who cannot be seen but is probably listening. That belief gives us a hope that one day an answer will come. And it always comes. It just may not be in your favor this time but never stop believing for that reason because everything happens for a reason that is good.

 

16. Send yourself roses. The idea is to treat yourself. This is the least you can do for all the pain you go through, be it physical, mental or emotional. If you are lucky someone will send you flowers to see that smile on your face, to thank you for being there, to say good morning. There are many reasons. If not, you may have to buy flowers for yourself 🙂

17. Be grateful. Be grateful to everyone who touched your life and helped you become a better person.